Codependency in Relationships

Codependency, also known as relationship addiction, involves neglecting one’s own needs to prioritize the needs of a partner, family member, or friend. A codependent person may depend on someone in their life to fulfill their spiritual, emotional, mental, financial, or physical needs and seek validation of their self-worth from others. It’s estimated that up to 90% of Americans exhibit some degree of codependent behaviors. Codependency pertains to an individual’s behavior in a relationship, rather than the relationship itself. Either or both individuals in a relationship can exhibit codependent behaviors, and these behaviors can manifest in nearly any type of relationship, including romantic partnerships, parent-child dynamics, family, workplace, and caregiving scenarios.

Codependency is a learned behavior, not a mental illness, though it can co-occur with other mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, addiction, borderline personality disorder, and narcissism. Despite not being classified as a mental illness, codependency often exacerbates unhealthy relationship patterns. It usually originates in childhood and is heavily influenced by family dynamics. Risk factors for developing codependency include growing up in a dysfunctional family, experiencing childhood neglect or abandonment, having overcontrolling parents, enduring childhood abuse or trauma, or having a parent with an untreated or undiagnosed mental illness.

Signs of a codependent relationship include feeling the need to seek permission from the other person for everyday tasks, feeling as though one is “walking on eggshells,” attempting to change or rescue the other person from abusive behaviors or addiction, having an exaggerated sense of responsibility for the other person’s actions, and performing tasks for the other person even at personal discomfort. Without treatment, codependency can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and feelings of emptiness. Codependent individuals often have a blurred sense of self and may fall into less meaningful relationships or struggle with loneliness and isolation.

Therapy can help individuals address their codependency and begin forming healthier relationships. Treatments such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, couples therapy, and family therapy can be beneficial. Since codependency is a learned behavior, it can be unlearned. With professional help, codependent behaviors can be addressed, potentially preventing future relationship issues.